As my husband often tells me, I am always searching for ways to fit inside a box. Instead of being happy being ME, I strive to become a label. He is so right.
Before Ben was born, I started reading about a little ole thing called Attachment Parenting.
Yes! I thought.
I am going to practice Attachment Parenting. I'm going to co-sleep, breastfeed, practice child-led sleep & eating habits and the like. And then reality set in. By about five months, I realized that we had a real problem. Our precious little baby didn't want to nap, didn't want to sleep through the night or anything even closely resembling that, was a sporadic nurser (which probably contributed to losing my supply) and so on. Things were not going well. But I was an AP mom and I was convicted in those beliefs. What would people think of me if I sleep trained? Or put Ben on a schedule?! I could no longer call myself an Attachment Parent if I let Ben cry it out.
So I bought a book called and I began to sleep train. I put Ben on a strict schedule which involved two naps a day, eating every 3.5 hours and sleeping through the night. We let him CIO. Suddenly, life was good. Ben was happy, we were rested and our household started flowing much more smoothly. But I struggled. What kind of mom was I? I still cloth diapered and I bought all organic products for Ben, but he was now on formula, no longer co-sleeping and was CIO at night. Was I half AP/half traditional?
I teetered on the brink of losing my mind for awhile. I felt inadequate as a mom because I had no milk supply and had failed at Attachment Parenting. I convinced myself that I had irrevocably screwed Ben up by sleep training him and filling his belly with artificial breast milk. This went on for a long time.
And then, like a lightning bolt from the sky, I had a
moment. I realized, thanks to my friend, Melissa, that this is all okay. We do what we can afford to do, what God gives us the ability to do, and at the end of the day, we have GOT to be okay with that. Rather than sulk and cry in my pillow about my lost milk supply, I should have been embracing the simple fact that I got to nurse my child for seven months! Rather than beat myself up because my entire pantry isn't full of organic products, I should be happy that we can afford to keep Ben's products and food organic. I spent so much time feeling like a failure that I didn't have the energy to see what was right in front of me. I'm a
This week, I had a breakthrough. My friend, Claire, sent me the link to this article on homemade laundry detergent. I've spent so much time agonizing over what we can afford to buy organic that I didn't even stop to think that I could be making my own products for less than the chemical-ridden ones in our home. This opened the door to a million things for me! I suddenly sought out all sorts of homemade recipes! I chucked our cleaning products and replaced them with water/vinegar/baking soda. I researched no 'poo, the oil cleansing method, homemade toothpaste, and Dr Bronners.
