On going "way" overdue.

I've never been pregnant this long. Although with every pregnancy I've had, I've been able to say that. I  have a very clear trend going here. Every baby comes later than the one before.

My first came fast, on his own, a couple of weeks early or so. We weren't expecting it as I'd always been told first time mamas tend to go pretty overdue. But it was a welcome surprise because he was healthy and 8lbs, 1oz, so nothing to worry about there!

My second, my daughter, was a different story. At 36 weeks, they checked my cervix because I'd been having a lot of prodromal labor. I was already 3cm dilated and though I can't remember for sure what my effacement was, it was a lot. Maybe 75%? The doctor's exact words were, "Any day now...don't travel for Christmas." Almost four more weeks went by after that with no baby. Each week, I was further dilated, until a few days before my due date I was sitting at 6cm dilated, totally effaced with no baby. I was partially exhausted by the nightly prodromal labor that would often last for hours, and partially scared of their warnings that if I wasn't induced, baby would come before I could make it to the hospital, so I agreed, a few days shy of her due date, to allow them to break my water rather than use pitocin. They weren't thrilled about taking that route, but they said if I came in when I was having consistent contractions that they could pick up on the monitor, they would allow me to go that route instead of the meds, and even though it was still out of my comfort zone, I felt like I was favorable for that sort of induction and that it was a safer/more natural option than drugs. So I did, and they broke my water, and she came fast and furiously an hour later. Though it went mostly fine (she had problems breathing and they did have to take her away, probably because it was such a crazy fast labor, but I'll never know), I have always regretted forcing her out. Babies stay in the womb for a reason, and for most of us, it's because they still need to be there. There are definitely cases in which baby is safer outside the womb than inside, but those are the exception, not the norm, and can usually be picked up from Biophysical Profiles and Non-Stress Tests, which are standard procedures when you pass your due date. I have no idea when Adalyn would have finally decided to come on her own, but it's not that crazy to think she might have stayed in there another week or two. I have a history of walking around pretty dilated for long periods of time.

By my third, I knew I wanted something different, and I got it.  Landon came on his own when he was ready, like Ben, and I waited, mostly patiently, for my body to do it on its own. He was my latest baby at three days past my due date, but looking back now, I was lucky. ;) I didn't feel like it at the time! It was a peaceful birth, though a really long labor for me and my own history, but there was nothing I regretted about it.

Now it's my fourth. I'm sitting here somewhere around 41.5 weeks pregnant, though there is some uncertainly about dates in about a 3-4 day range, so I could be as little as 41 weeks pregnant or more like a day or two shy of 42. If I had gone with my doctor's date (or the "accepted" date calculated from my LMP), I would be 43 weeks pregnant. Because I was charting and because I know how crazy my cycles run, I knew it was way off. In fact, this week I sat down with my chart and started doing calculations to make sure I know what I'm talking about and if my due date was really 9/14, I would have been EIGHTEEN DAYS POST OVULATION(!) before I got a super duper faint positive. That's insane. I've always gotten my positives at 8 or 9 DPO. But most OBs won't listen to that (as we discovered with Adalyn when I told them their due date was way off from my own and I knew without a shadow of a doubt what my correct due date was within a range of 3-4 days), so I would have been induced TWO OR THREE WEEKS AGO had I gone the traditional route of an OB. Baby would not have been close to being ready. This is the exact reason (well, one of them) I now choose the births I choose, with the providers I choose, and I feel it's the best and safest option for myself and my babies.

What's funny is that the pressure I'm feeling to get this baby out is coming from the outside world much more than internally (not so much that people are telling me I need to be induced, just that it's what I see all around me). To be almost 42 weeks pregnant is unheard of. Even in my "natural mamas" expecting club I joined this time around, most women's doctors won't allow them to go past 41 weeks (which is a whole 'nother problem, y'all...it breaks my heart that women are made to feel that have no say in their own health and care and bodies), so a lot of women were getting induced between 40 and 41 weeks. So even though in the homebirth circles I run in it's quite common for women to go to 42 weeks, I'm feeling like a freak of nature because I'm just about the last woman standing in my expecting club (a pressure I never anticipated I'd feel or would even bother me, but HOLY COW it is!), and I've had almost no friends go this late because they were induced if they got close to this point. I have to remind myself every single day that many women go to 42 weeks (or later - or a day or two shy) if they aren't being forced by a doctor's time clock to do something about it. And I do - STRONGLY - believe that more often than not, God (or nature if God isn't your thing) knows what he's doing much more than our own limited understanding of birth. If so many women would go to almost 42 weeks if left completely alone, then it is not a medical emergency that you're four days past your due date with no baby. It is not a medical emergency that I'm a week and a half past my due date with no baby, either. We've been doing non-stress tests, baby is responding beautifully, and this week I go get a biophysical profile and do my part to make sure that everything is still going well in there. I'm halfway done with my dilation now and totally done with my effacement, so clearly my body is doing what it needs to be doing, and hopefully for me, that means a fast and easy labor. I have to continue to believe that my body is working properly, because without that faith, I will run to the hospital for a dose of pitocin, and I will regret that forever, just as I regret forcing Adalyn out.    

There are things I could be doing right now to more aggressively hurry things along. I've considered them. I will still consider them if there are any signs that baby needs to come out, but for now, I'm trying to manage my grumpiness by hiding away in the bedroom when I can, taking naps every day and plopping my butt down on the couch when I'm in pain. No one ever said it was easy to be overdue. It's not. In fact, the last week and a half has been INCREDIBLY TOUGH. I'm not over here trying to sugar coat it like I'm amazing and this has been a cakewalk. Ha. No, just ask my husband. Or my midwife. I am not at all a joy to be around right now. But when it's all said and done and baby is here, I'll look back on these last weeks with incredible pride that I was able to truck along, hugely pregnant and uncomfortable, and continue to believe in my body and trust the process of birth, knowing I've given birth three times successfully and my body is equipped and capable of doing this again. There's a time and a place for medical intervention. I am so, so thankful it exists. I will have no problem utilizing it if it's necessary, and if I'm still pregnant next week, I may go down that path! And I will be forever grateful for it if does become necessary for me. I love modern medicine when it's needed. I'm so thankful for the abilities we have to intervene when nature doesn't quite get it right. But the honest to God truth is that I'm more scared of what would happen if I induced baby before baby is ready than I am of letting my body stay pregnant until my baby is ready. And I think if we all felt that way, perhaps our birth stats in this country wouldn't be so embarrassing compared to other developed nations.

Also, I'm just a really big hippie. So there's that.

This is what 41.5 weeks looks like. You don't get to see my face 'cause I'm too grumpy to smile. ;)